


Celeste

by siscon



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Chronic Illness, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Miscarriage, Past Rape/Non-con, Self-Indulgent, Trans Eric "Bitty" Bittle, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:00:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22238272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siscon/pseuds/siscon
Summary: Bitty never wanted kids until he almost had one.
Relationships: Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Jack Zimmermann
Comments: 8
Kudos: 60





	Celeste

**Author's Note:**

> okay, honestly, this is probably bad writing. but im grieving so horribly right now and check please is my special interest right now, so the best way i can cope with my grief is to indulge in characters i see as comfort. this is self indulgent to the core. i dont know how else to process my grief. both me and my boyfriend are struggling to process our grief
> 
> rip celeste. your daddies love you so much

It was insane. Bitty had never wanted kids. He had always loved the idea in theory, but when it came down to it, to having a baby and raising it every day, he was scared. The idea of having a baby became less appealing the more his physical and mental health worsened. The more he began to depend on Jack.

Jack agreed that, at least for the foreseeable future, having a baby was not on the table. Bitty was getting sicker and sadder and weaker, and Jack could only pull himself in so many different directions. His priority was taking care of his boyfriend; a baby would take away from the high levels of care Bitty needed.

Bitty understood. He agreed. He was sick, and Jack would fall apart caring for a sick baby boyfriend and a literal baby. Bitty wouldn't be able to help. He became happy with the idea of raising kitties rather than babies.

But then he got knocked up at a party. Got too drunk, wandered off from Jack, and got fucked in the bathroom. Cried and screamed for Jack the whole time. Begged for his boyfriend to find him.

Jack found him, only after the guy had used him twice. He beat the shit out of the guy and took Bitty home. Bitty screamed and cried all night, and Jack could have sworn he would never hear a more heartbreaking sound come from Bitty. He would never let his baby get hurt like that again, or ever feel that terrified again.

He heard the next heartbreaking sound come from Bitty after the pregnancy test came up positive.

Bitty fell into a depression for a while, but actually pretty quickly fell in love with the baby growing inside his tummy. He named her, and loved her, and although Jack hadn't wanted kids, he loved her too, just as much as Bitty.

The little girl inside Bitty's tummy had totally changed Jack's perspective. He wanted this baby, even though something awful happened to Bitty for her to be conceived. He swore he'd never let her feel like a mistake. Bitty swore too.

They loved her so much.

Things were great, and they were so excited. Jack was usually in a great mood, and wanted to talk about either Bitty or their daughter or both to whoever would listen. And Bitty couldn't stop talking about her, either. He didn't even think of her as the result of rape anymore. She was just as much his and Jack's kid as she would have been if Jack had gotten him pregnant.

Eighteen weeks in, Jack was proven wrong in believing he would never hear a sound from Bitty that hurt him more. The sound of physical pain and emotional agony when Bitty lost the baby would haunt Jack's dreams forever.

The brunt of the miscarriage lasted six hours. Jack held Bitty the whole time. Lardo told them to have Bitty sit in a full tub until the worst of it was over, but the two of them couldn't bare to let go of each other. Bitty clung to Jack like his life depended on it. Jack clung back like if he let go, Bitty would slip out of his fingers just like their baby did.

It was five hours of the most horrific, heart-wrenching sounds Jack had ever heard come out of anyone. The last hour, Bitty was too exhausted to keep screaming. He just whimpered. That hurt Jack just as much.

There was a lot to clean up. Jack did it so Bitty didn't have to see what became of their baby. Though it made Jack just as sick.

Jack didn't leave their room the entire day. People called and wanted to know why he was missing practice. Shitty and Lardo were blowing up his phone, begging for updates and offering comfort. Jack ended up turning off his phone.

They didn't say a word until that night, when Jack finally said softly, "You've gotta be hungry, Bits. You haven't eaten all day."

"I don't know," Bitty mumbled, voice broken and wrecked from screaming. "I feel like I should be hungry, but my tummy just feels empty..."

That hit Jack hard.

"Oh, Bittle..." His voice cracked as he forced back tears. He had cried on and off all day, but he was so tired of crying. "This is so horrible. I'm so sorry."

Bitty shook his head. His whole body felt consumed by grief and mourning. "I can try to eat... Just, nothing feels good anymore. All that feels okay is you holding me."

"I know," Jack choked out. "God, I... I'm so sorry. You wanted her so bad."

"So did you," Bitty pointed out gently. "Aren't you grieving too...?"

Jack felt his breath catch in his throat.

"Yeah. God, yeah, I am. Really bad."

Bitty held him tighter. Jack held tighter. For the both of them, it felt like they were alone together in the most terrifying way possible. Alone in being the only two people in the world who loved their baby so deeply and mourned so deeply to lose her.

"You would have been such a good daddy, Jack."

Bitty could barely get the words out without crying. Jack couldn't take the words in without breaking down.

"You would have too, Bits. She would have loved you so much."

With what felt like a miracle, they made it through the night. They made it through many nights, and although there were so many nights they felt like it would hurt forever, some nights felt okay. Some nights felt like time would move on and they would be okay again.

Their love for the baby that could have been but never was never moved on, but time did. Time kept going and they decided they could be happy again.

And they were.


End file.
